I knew it that I needed to have a conversation with God and it had to be a very sincere one because I was done acting like it was all cool with me when it was nothing close to that at all in my head. A lot of things were running through my mind and I was certain it was just about the right time to get them out and I decided to do that through journaling. ( I love beautiful Christian journals.)
I pretty much love to write but sometimes, writing feels like hard work to me based on the fact that I am not willing to open up on some things just the way they are and as a result of this, I avoid writing at such times because it makes me feel that I act like an entitled child
Why should I feel I am not an entitled child when I am the daughter of the Most High? Who says I cannot express myself before the One who has asked me to ask, seek and knock and that I will have whatever it is whenever I do so? I pretty much feel that contrary to how a lot of us feel about baring our minds before God in all sincerity, He is more willing to listen and attend to us than we can ever imagine. ( Matthew 7: 7, Ephesians 3:20)
Sadly, the devil has lied to a lot of us and as a result robbed us of the peace and direction we should access through Christ and the Spirit of God whenever we come boldly before His throne. The enemy of our soul deceives us into believing that God is not always happy with us when we bare our minds before Him and let Him know how exactly we feel. Here is my take on this, even without you speaking about how you feel, He sure knows how you feel and knows all that is running through your mind. Refusing to be vulnerable with God will then mean hiding from the One who already knows and sees it all, so why don’t you just tell it to Him rather than act like nothing is wrong with you when a whole lot is wrong? How sensible is it to hide your feelings and thoughts from the one who knows all things? Think about this. (Psalm 139:2-3)
Anyway, I had a conversation with God through journaling which I labelled, “BARING IT ALL”. Frankly speaking, I was ready to say whatever was on my mind just the way it is, no filters, no hiding, no pretense and that’s exactly what I did. To my surprise, I bared so much more than I thought I ever could bare but what stood out for me the most was a sentence I wrote down as I spoke about it to the One who hears and sees me. I simply said… “Lord, I feel used and cheated by You..” Yeah, I actually said that but that was not all that I said. I concluded by saying, “I know this feeling is just a lie. Please, reveal the truth to me.”
Talking about feeling cheated, a few years ago I gave up everything I ever dreamed of and considered as the best moment of my life just because I wanted to obey His voice and walk in His will for my life only to realize that it was not as easy as I thought it would be. When He instructed my family to walk in His will for us in that season, saying “Yes” was hard but we were willing to go all the way, trusting Him to reward us in our own calculated way but that was far from what we got. We instead met with one of the most challenging seasons of our lives. (Philippians 2:13-14)
As much as this season which I am referring to was quite challenging, I must confess it was the most fulfilling season of our lives and we were able to impact so many lives across many nations which includes meeting, discipling and mentoring a couple of amazing young people we probably would never have had the chance to meet but this was made possible because we simply obeyed His instruction to “Go“. The details of the “going ” was not spelt out, but He was faithful enough to give us His Word of assurance that His glory was going to be revealed no matter what happens.
Humanly speaking however, looking at the journey so far and the several successes recorded despite the many challenges that has accompanied this mission, not minding all that God did for my family in that season and how He showed up on several occasions, I still felt He had asked of us much more than we could bear and that’s the reason why I said to Him “I feel cheated”.
The question is can God cheat man? No, no way! If there is anyone who is capable of cheating, it is man. How can the Creator and Maker of all things cheat? He is the ultimate source of life and all that we are or have comes from Him. Why then would He have to cheat us in order to take from us what He gave to us in the first place?
The fact that it ever crossed my mind that I was cheated by God because He led me into His will and things did not go my way or how I calculated it is therefore a product of what my expectations were and how not having them met the way I wanted gave me a false sense of entitlement. It made me feel I did so much more for God as well as giving up so much for Him but He did not give me an equivalent measure in return. (Isaiah 55:6-9)
Interestingly, a day after I had that conversation with God, I was listening to a beautiful preacher and she mentioned how a lot of people feel used and cheated by God when in the real sense all that happened in the season when they felt cheated is that they were chosen by God to fulfill His purpose. Oh! how I loved this timely message as it was something I could relate with. I had asked God to reveal the truth to me regarding me feeling cheated and it was good to know that His response to me is that“I was simply chosen to fulfill His will and not cheated by Him.”( Proverbs 11:1)
Chosen to fulfill His purpose was all that it truly was in that season of my life. My desire to know if I was cheated by Him led me to ask Him questions which He beautifully answered and the explanation that came with it really made me adore this Amazing God more, so much I could not stop saying to Him, “Thank you for finding use in me.”
I understand how we expect that when God gives us an assignment, the entire journey should be smooth and hitch free. The truth however is that this is not always the case, yet He ensures that our sacrifices and heart of love for Him and for His kingdom is ultimately rewarded in many ways that men do not necessarily have to know or understand, as long as His name is glorified, lives are blessed, impact is made and Heaven rejoices, irrespective of the challenges that come with such obedience. (James 1:22-25)
I would rather be used by the One who made me and paid the ultimate price for my salvation rather than live selfishly to please myself or anyone who has not done as much for me. ( 1 Corinthians 7:23)
Do you feel cheated by God? Did you give up anything or everything all because you wanted to follow Him duly and now it feels like He has abandoned you or that He cares less about how you feel? I suggest you get yourself to have a candid conversation with Him and I can assure you that He will explain why you have to go through whatever process He is taking you through as well as point out to you how that you are chosen for whatever purpose best known to Him that requires capacity and character building in terms of endurance, patience and most importantly gratitude.
Feeling cheated by Him is just a thing of the mind, it is not what it truly is. God never cheats anyone. You simply have to trust Him more and believe that He has your best interest at heart and that He will never do you wrong.( Job 34:12)
My overall take on this is that we should all live a life of consecration, total obedience and utmost sacrifice towards the One who made us, considering that He is the Potter and we are just but the clay. It is required of us to please the One who made us for His own glory, irrespective of all that we might be confronted with as we walk in His will, not forgetting that we did not find Him at the point of salvation, rather He found us and our walk with Him is such that makes Him the Lord over our lives and as a result the things that matter to us do not matter as much as the things that He wants of us. ( Isaiah 64:8)
PRAYER.
“Dear Father, I am just but the clay in Your hands and You are my Potter. My life is not my own and I desire to walk in Your will for my life at all times. Lord, equip me with whatever it will cost me to fulfill all that You have chosen me to do for Your glory, so much that no matter how much I feel cheated or used by You, I will be wise enough to know the truth that You are not a cheat or a user but a Good Father who delights in choosing me to do of His will and good pleasure. (Amen. “
Author Profile
- Temitope is the founder of thesoulmeal.com, an online platform that she shares with her God-given spiritual family and friends. She is a speaker, teacher and youth counselor. She is passionate about inspiring people to find their identity in Christ. Catch her interviewing inspiring leaders on Tongue of the Learned Podcast
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God bless you for this timely & inspiring message.
When I look at my life and the way things have been going, I sometimes feel used and probably abandoned by God. Though in the midst of my thinking, I always find reasons to thank God.
Now, I have learnt to bare my mind to the *One Who Made me”.
Thanks a lot. Keep up the good work.
Glory to God. Glad you find the write-up useful. Keep baring your mind to the “One who sees you.” He is always there to listen. Much Love