There was never a time in my life when I was an Atheist, but there was a time I was so far away from God that I knew within myself I could not continue to live life like that. I never doubted His existence at any point in time but I doubted His willingness to forgive an undeserving person like me. I remember so well that I was going to Church like several other people, praying and lifting up “holy hands” yet I was very far away from the God I was seeking just for the sake of fulfilling all righteousness.
As much as I was never an Atheist as I earlier stated, there came a time in my life when I questioned His existence because I was lost and confused about life, it felt like I was dead though I was alive. I had so much yet I felt empty, helpless and hopeless, yet the God that I had heard so much about was not helping me out. I expected Him to step into my helpless state and just work things out for me in a magical way, though I was not willing to submit my will and life to Him.
I could see a lot of people my age and some younger ones talking about God, doing great exploits for Him and standing out amongst the crowd. Despite the fact that I considered the life of Christians boring and unattractive, deep down inside of me, I knew it was an enviable life. They were not the best dressed, most comfortable, most intelligent or most relevant, yet they carried themselves like they were all of these. I needed no one to tell me there was something about these strange set of people and I was so sure that these people had what I did not have – peace and joy in the midst of whatever they were faced with.
As I daily studied the lives of the people I considered strange, I realized that they were not just nice to one another, they also cared for me and a lot more like me though we were not in any way like them. It was at that point I concluded in my heart that I wanted to be a part of them. The question, however, was “How?”
To say that all the Christians I came across at that time were welcoming, encouraging, nice and non-judgemental will be a big lie. However, I remember very well that the nice and encouraging ones were the reason I wanted to be a Christian and I took my desire to the next level by asking God to prove His existence to me so that I could also become one of these amazing and sweet hearted people I had closely watched over time. ( For your information,- Not all who profess to be Christians are Christ-like as expected of Christians. It is simply a religion for some, but a way of life for others who are of Christ and desire that many others are added to the Kingdom, no matter how undeserving they seem.)
When I asked God for a proof of His existence, it was based on my desire to be assured that I could trust Him many years down the line. I was willing to go all the way no matter what comes my way if only He would give me a sign that I had specifically mentioned when I cried out to Him, telling Him I knew He was close by but I just wanted to know beyond reasonable doubt He was not just real but willing to relate with an undeserving person like myself. To my surprise, He gave me the exact thing I asked for as a sign and proof of His existence and presence with me.
ISAIAH 7:11
“Ask a sign for yourself from the LORD your God; make it deep as Sheol or high as heaven.”
Pride will never allow a person to admit that God exists. God is real and only God Himself can prove this truth to those who do not believe in His existence. His Word, acts, and ways are proofs of His existence, yet the human mind cannot come to terms with this truth except the Spirit of God Himself reveals it. Despite man’s doubt and inability to admit that He exists, God remains God with or without our acknowledgement of this undeniable truth.
1 CORINTHIANS 2:14
“But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.”
It is no news that from generation to generation, men have questioned His existence, yet it has not changed who He is or what He is capable of doing. If there is anyone who has anything to lose as a result of the inability to admit that God is real and continue to walk in this understanding, it is definitely humans and not God.
God has all He needs to be God but we need Him to be who He has predestined us to be. One thing He does is to feed the hungry heart and to quench the thirst of the thirsty. If you doubt His existence or think you have no place in Him as a result of your terrible deeds or acts, the best way to find out about the reality of His existence or willingness to give you a fresh start and make You His own is by asking Him to reveal Himself to You and also to help You to see yourself the way He sees You.
MATTHEW 5:6
Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled
No one will ever get to know who God is while living in pride and arrogance. If you will ever know Him, there is a need for you to be broken and stripped off your ego and self, to the point where you can humbly seek Him and find Him. He is always humbly reaching out to us and He desires that we come to know Him for who He is, what He has done and all that He is capable of doing in us, for us and through us.
REVELATION 3:20
“Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me.”
Author Profile
- Temitope is the founder of thesoulmeal.com, an online platform that she shares with her God-given spiritual family and friends. She is a speaker, teacher and youth counselor. She is passionate about inspiring people to find their identity in Christ. Catch her interviewing inspiring leaders on Tongue of the Learned Podcast
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I love how the words in this post spoke to me. Much like you, I haven’t doubted His existence but I have been through a phase where I wanted to experience a relationship with Him, have Him speak to me, experience joy unspeakable and peace undeniable and like you rightly said, He is ever willing to show Himself to us when we seek Him and fill to overflowing thirsty hearts.
I pray that we keep growing in the revelation of Him as we bask in His glory and grace till the day of His return. Much love.
I am glad you find the words useful. keep basking in the euphoria of His awesome presence at all times.
Blessings.
Well said sister. I pray that God release more of HIS grace, wisdom, knowledge, greater inspiration unto you in Jesus name.
Amen.
Amen! After all said and done…We will reign with Him eternally by His mercy and grace.