The thoughts that run through our mind sometimes are such that make us conclude that we are unattractive, over weight, invaluable, unworthy, and undeserving. At such times, when we close our eyes to sleep, we can only but see what we let ourselves see through our minds, which mostly points at our flaws and insecurities.
For some of us, life was not always so unbearable, while for some others it has always being a fight and we have had to live with such fights in our minds for as long as we can remember.
I will share the story of a beautiful marriage that started with two people who were so deeply in love that quite a lot of people envied what they had going. All of a sudden, the husband was diagnosed with Schemic heart disease, which is one of the deadliest disease in the world. His failing health affected his spouse so much that she got stressd to the point of feeling like she was losing her mind. In a bid to get her life together, she found solace in a colleague at work who happens to be a nice guy and one thing led to the other and they both became an item.
Her husband’s failing health was not something he wished for, neither did he purposely bring it upon himself and so he tried so hard to get his health back but it only grew worse and right before his very eyes, that beautiful relationship he and everyone else were too certain will last a lifetime came crashing in the most embarrassing and inconsiderate way because she bluntly told him she could not put her life on hold because of him and as such she was moving on with another person.
Knowing that she already had her mind made up, he thought about the state of his health in that moment and concluded he could not blame her,considering that it will take a lot of grace to live with someone with an ailment as deadly as his. The happy , excited and lovely spirited person he used to be was gone . His self worth diminished and the happily ever after dream he had became nothing but a dead dream.
This might be far from what your story is . It could be that your insecurities are as a result of the abuse ( mental, sexual , physical, emotional, etc) you suffered as a child, which keeps you held down as a victim who blames himself or herself for the mistakes and wrong doing of others.
On the other hand, your insecurities could be as a result of the mistakes you made as a naive and young person. The choices you made as a result of your lack of thoughtfulness at the time puts you in a place of guilt, shame and unworthiness, so much that you constantly wish you could turn back the hands of time. One thing common to all these and many more reasons for feeling insecure is that no amount of thought or wishful thinking can change the past, or the action of others towards us. The beautiful thing common to all these and many more feeling of insecurity is the need to understand that what is gone is gone and there is no point crying over spilt milk when you can focus on what is to come and get the best out of what life is willing to offer.
PRACTICAL WAYS OUT OF FEELING INSECURE
1) EMBRACE POSITIVE VIBES: I recently got back from a missions trip and my wrong choice of food which I sadly had no power over made me add so much weight that I had to set weight loss goals for myself. My initial motivation for weight loss at the time was as a result of me comparing myself with others and putting into consideration what others thought about me more than I necessarily should. I concluded in my head that a lot of people will consider me unattractive as a result of the excessive weight gain and I began to push myself hard all in a bid to to get in shape. One of the stupid things I did was to ignorantly add a type of tea into my diet which I later discovered was bad for my personal state of health.
There is no reason to get to a point where we foolishly compare ourselves with others. For my weight loss plan for example , even though I knew that my inability to to be able to choose what and what not to eat in a strange land was the reason I was in a weight battle, I was busy comparing myself with people whose lifestyle permits them to choose what they desire to eat and when. I had to get rid of the negative vibe of feeling insecure by choosing to focus on the health benefit of having a normal weight rather than being overweight. With this vibe, I was able to set realistic goals for myself and focus more on what I stand to gain health wise rather than what anyone thinks about me.
I constantly reminded myself of how beautiful I am from the inside to the outside and why I needed to stay fit and healthy for me and not because I am in a competition with anyone. PSALM 139:1-4
2) BE REMINDED THAT YOU ARE CONSIDERED GOOD ENOUGH BY A GOOD FATHER: A lot of times, our excuses for not wanting to do what God has called us to do or be is as a result of how we perceive ourselves and what we consider to be our limitations. Moses never thought God will be interested in using someone with a speech impediment like himself when there were several other clear tongued and fluent speakers among the people of Israel. This was however his personal opinion because God knew all of that but looked beyond it and had a great assignment for him to carry out regardless of what was considered a limitation by men. Moses went ahead to talk himself out of fulfilling God’s purpose but the God who knows each and every of the work of His hands did not permit it because He cares more about what His purpose is for His creatures than what is considered “not good enough”. You are good enough to bring Him glory as long as He is your righteousness. 2 Corinthians 3:5
3) LET GO OF THE PAST: the past has a way of making us see ourselves through the lens of things we have been through. Even when we have put in so much effort into being a better person, the past still tries to make us feel we are still the same guilty and undeserving person we used to be. To accept all of this is to give our past a right over our past and future.
You need to get over the past if you will enjoy the beauty of the future because crying over spilled milk will not bring back the lost milk. Let go of what is gone. God does not see the guilt of your past. All He sees is the grace He has made available for you. His grace is for the present and the future. Embrace it ! Isaiah 43:18-19, 2 Corinthians 5:17
4) BE REMINDED THAT HE IS AWARE OF EVERYTHING: Just as the potter is familiar with the texture, value and impurities of the clay, so is God aware of all that concerns us. When a clay pretends to be durable when it’s not, every other person can be deceived, but the potter cannot be deceived. We can choose to hide our inadequacies, and hurts from others but we cannot hide it from God. Instead of acting like we have it altogether when we do not, it is better we release ourselves to God and let Him know how exactly we feel, so He can help us out of every pit of shame , guilt, fear and inadequacies.
5) BE CONFIDENT: as much as we ordinarily should not be bold to go for what we want, considering that we have been unworthy, the extra ordinary capacity God bestows upon us when we come to Him is enough to empower us to leave our defeats and inabilities behind us and focus on what He is able to do in, through and for us as a result of His complete work on the Cross. This confidence is what enables us to look beyound our doubt and see what His grace is able to help us achieve. PHILIPPIANS 4:13
6) HOLD ON TO HIS WORD: Humans are bound to fail, neglect, reject and disappoint us and these includes spouse, family, friends, and trusted people but God remains faithful to His word no matter what. His Word is His bond and He has promised never to leave us nor forsake us. So when you feel rejected, unloved, invaluable, unworthy and unfairly used, remember He is for you, with you and very much in love with you and willing to stand by you through the the storms and turbulences of life. HEBREWS 13:5
Don’t let your identity be lost in past failures and open up for the great and amazing plans God has for your life even as you do away with excuses in this new season.
Author Profile
- Temitope is the founder of thesoulmeal.com, an online platform that she shares with her God-given spiritual family and friends. She is a speaker, teacher and youth counselor. She is passionate about inspiring people to find their identity in Christ. Catch her interviewing inspiring leaders on Tongue of the Learned Podcast
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