We all experience being deeply hurt by people from time to time. Sometimes the hurt we feel is such that it becomes difficult to forgive or to let go of some of the hurt in our hearts.
As much as it is easy to say that God expects you to forgive those who offend you so you can also obtain His forgiveness, it is not usually as easy as it sounds. There is no doubt about the fact that forgiveness is an important virtue we must all possess as believers, yet to heal from such hurtful feelings, it takes grace and proper understanding of the reason(s) to forgive.
You probably have heard people say things like this to you when you’re hurting “Why are you so unforgiving? Afterall Stephen forgave those who stoned him to death, so much he asked God not to lay the sin on them.” It is quite interesting to hear people sound this way in a bid to get someone who is hurting to see reasons why they should shut down how they feel and just act as if nothing happened and simply go ahead to forgive someone who has hurt them. However, I think this is a way of saying “Live in denial of being hurt, just to make yourself and everyone feel good.”
” The truth is, forgiveness is a process which requires some time for the hurt felt to heal. It is also a journey to be embarked upon which having the right tools in place, will bring about success.“
thesoulmeal.com
Just like Joseph whose brothers sold him off into slavery, yet many years later when he met them and was in a position to revenge, he chose to look beyond their past deeds and action, focusing on God’s perspective rather than that of men, we are to look at forgiveness through the eyes of humility and total submission to God’s ability to heal our hearts no matter how bad the hurt is. When people hurt us, it undoubtedly causes us pain.
However, we can choose to remain in the state of pain, resentment, bitterness and anger or get out of it by deliberately looking beyond what has happened and let go so we can experience peace for the sake of our own sanity, freedom and well being.
SOME HELPFUL TIPS
BE SINCERE WITH YOURSELF: Start by admitting that you are hurting and there is a need for you to heal. Acting like nothing is wrong will not produce healing, rather it will enable you to live in denial of the reality of how you feel. This will eventually lead to an outburst of anger, resentment, bitterness and sometimes emotional stress. No one is worth you losing your sanity and wellbeing for.
” Forgiveness leaves you bright, free and light. To remain in unforgiveness is to remain in bondage, pain and hurt”
thesoulmeal.com
PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR MOTIVES: Rather than acting like you’ve got things under control, ask yourself this sincere question ” If I ever get the chance to get back at this person, will I jump at the opportunity or am I willing to see beyond how he or she has hurt me?” If you just want to play the “an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth game”, all you will see is how much the person who hurt you deserves to be hurt as well. Paying back a wrong with wrong is definitely not God’s will for us as His own.
We are called to see others through His eyes by forgiving the most undeserving, considering that we ourselves did not deserve the price Christ paid on the Cross, yet He looked beyond this and prayed for those who spat, demeaned and shamed Him as He journeyed to the Cross. Rather than seeing the need to hurt the one who hurt you, choose to do what is right instead – let go of the hurt. As hard as this may seem it is absolutely possible and it takes you being sincere with yourself so much you are willing to save such a person from danger if you had the chance to, regardless of how undeserving such a person is.
” You are stronger than you think. You are capable of letting go and letting God.”
thesoulmeal.com
PRAY ABOUT THE SITUATION: Someone hurt me badly recently and I felt justified to make the person see how his actions cost me so much emotionally and financially. My plan was to cut off from the person, which means not interacting with the person or giving the person access to my life like before but God disrupted my plans when I chose to take the matter to Him in prayer. I clearly saw how angry, bitter and resentful I was towards the person as I talked to God in prayer concerning the situation.
Rather than seeing how justified I was to be angry, considering that this person really hurt me, I began to see the need for me to have a change of heart instead. I was able to see how bad the state of my heart was and it definitely was not such that could qualify me to stand boldly before God in fellowship. I knew I had to let go of the hurt if I wanted God to continue to abide with me. When we choose to rely on God while hurting, He reveals the state of our heart to us and helps us to react in a way He wants us to rather than how we would have loved to.
” You do yourself good by releasing those who hurt you.”
thesoulmeal.com
LET HIS WORD GUIDE YOU: Wisdom demands that we seek her if we will find her. God’s word is a channel through which we get the wisdom needed for every situation. This explains the reason we cannot ignore studying and meditating on the Word at all times. Through the pages of the Bible, we see how hurting people got it right by reacting based on God’s directives rather than how they felt or what the one who hurt them deserves. Humanly speaking, Saul deserved to die in the hands of David because he was after the life of David for no just cause but David chose to spare him when he got the chance to kill him simply because he had the right understanding of the Word of God. David’s men justified his need to kill Saul using the Word of God to back up their advice to him but David knew too well the fact that God’s Word requires proper understanding rather than just acting on it based on how we feel about it, so he chose to apply the Word that was applicable. If he had allowed himself to be guided by how he felt or what others said, he would have displeased God at that moment. (1 Samuel 24:4-7)
” Forgiveness is not a sign of weakness, rather it is a sign of strength.”
DROP THE PAIN AT JESUS’ FEET: A lot of us carry unnecessary burdens and weights around despite the Master’s outstretched arms waiting to help us carry such weights. Sexual, verbal, mental, physical, emotional abuse and all sorts of cruel attitudes are definitely capable of causing us pain but we are not to remain in that state when we have a Burden bearer who is capable of taking it all off our heart and shoulder. Rather than bearing the pain and hurt caused by others, it is important we let Jesus have it all instead. Give it all to Him in the place of prayer, knowing fully well that you cannot do it on your own.
“Cast your burden on the LORD, And He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved.”
Psalm 55:22
Interestingly, we have also done somethings that hurt others and Christ. This explains how we all need to be forgiven and to forgive others as well. God looks beyond the hurt we cause Him when we do contrary to His Word and He expects us to do the same. As difficult as the journey to forgiveness might seem, you can do it by His grace and help.
Author Profile
- Temitope is the founder of thesoulmeal.com, an online platform that she shares with her God-given spiritual family and friends. She is a speaker, teacher and youth counselor. She is passionate about inspiring people to find their identity in Christ. Catch her interviewing inspiring leaders on Tongue of the Learned Podcast
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